Heisman Penis – Spuyten Duyvil Fantasy Football

The Derrick Gainer

HEISMAN PENIS AWARD

1996 Heisman Penis

Owner: Vinny LaVecchia &

General Manager: Rob Medrano

Yonkers Yahoos

It is so painful to utter a phrase like: “If I had only known.” Though the tally was close in the inaugural voting, the League decided that the Yonkers Yahoos were remiss in their decision to leave Terry Allen off of their roster.

Allen went on to score 21 touchdowns for the Skins that year. Those TDs would have gone a long way towards league glory. It certainly would have kept them out of the Butt Bowl that year.

1997 Heisman Penis

Owner: Jorge Velez

Molotov Cocktails

Mr. Velez was to miss much of the season while on business in Chile. Not wanting to relinquish his ownership, he appointed an interim manager of operations.

Sadly, this manager missed the 97 Draft. This was the second such infraction and the team was given the death penalty. With all the digital tools at his disposal, it was thought that he could have run the team better by himself albeit remotely. Certainly they could have avoided the SMU-esque penalty.

The Cocktails never recovered and subsequently withdrew from the league.

2015 Heisman Penis

Owners: Joe Ryan (Wrath) &

Rob Medrano (NJ Swamp Ravens)

Citing both domestic duties and communication problems, neither owner showed up to the SDFFL Draft that August. No contingency plans were in place either. With many players under contract, this should not have been a big issue.

Neither owner submitted a starting lineup in Week 1, resulting in the first multiple forfeits in League history. In Week 2, both teams again failed to submit a lineup whilst playing one another. This resulted in the first forfeited contest in League history.

Provisions were made to run one team and the other began to wake from slumber and participate, but the SDFFL community decided to bestow this award in recognition of truly inadequate leadership.

2016 Heisman Penis

Owners: Bo Jirak (Meerkats), Asberto Alvero (Pandillas) &Rob Medrano (NJ Swamp Ravens)

Known as ‘the Great Exodus’ – With a week until the 2016 Draft, all three of these geniuses put the season in jeopardy by resigning en masse. They left the schedule in peril and the League Office $180 in debt. Last ditch efforts saved the season, but for their lack of consideration…

…the League voted 7-1-1 to award the three departing franchises the Penis as thanks for leaving everyone in the lurch with no time to prepare.

We wish them luck as they go forward and we leave the door open should their hearts and / or free time open up again.

2022 Heisman Penis

Owner: Marcos Moreno (Dulus de Las Minas)

The League voted (albeitly in anemic fashion) to award the Penis to Mr. Moreno for his continued inattention in all League matters, but especially lineup submission. This malaise was in stark contrast to the assurances that, “I got this.” It was noted that a modicum of effort would have garnered a pretty decent record, if not a playoff birth. Said inattention comes after splashing the cash at the Draft, where one could have assumed that he was locking down a stud player that he could build a team around. Instead… a golden penis.